The hormonal bitch's chocolate and banana milkshake

The hormonal bitch's chocolate and banana milkshake


PMT. Pre-menstrual tension. That time of the month where we all turn into raging tearful psychotic monsters where the last thing on our mind is wanting to be healthy, the first being brutally murdering anyone who dares to breathe within a 15 mile vicinity of where we''re standing...
...and the second is the desire to devour any calorie we can get our chipped, unmanicured paws on (because who has nice nails and their period? No one, everything in the world is going wrong for 3 days.) So I came up with a concoction that is super healthy (but doesn''t taste it... in fact it tastes like melted ice-cream) and serves to balance hormones...
..because if I suggested spinach or a salad to my uterus at that time of the month, it would throw itself out of my body and try to drag me into oncoming traffic.

(While I remember, you must miss out the guarana powder if you''re pregnant or breastfeeding as it''s caffeine... aside from being harmful to your child, it won''t do you any good as a mother - I know neither of mine need a stimulant...)
So, what you''ll need:
  • 2 frozen bananas (I advise you chop them up before freezing them to save your blender. These little gems also contain B6 which help stabilise hormones and regulate blood sugar levels, balancing your mood. They''re also a good source of iron, which we need to stock up on at that time!)
  • Half a cup of almond milk
  • A handful of medjool dates (these may be chock full of fibre and other goodies, but they also make smoothies taste delicious and sweet... even if you don''t like to eat dates - I''m not a fan - try them in your smoothies... delicious)
  • 1 tsp coconut oil (we were told to avoid it like the plague for years but DON''T, coconut oil will NOT make you fat, it''s not full of harmful saturated fats, they''re harmless saturated fats so it''s not like eating a block of cheese... they have medium chain triglycerides which are metabolised in a different way to long chain ones, which go straight to the liver and are turned into ketone bodies which stabilise our moods *not a bad idea, it''s probably not reasonable to cry that your other half doesn''t love you enough because he''s not eating his toast over a plate when you''ve just swept the floor...sorry honey* or are used as a quick source of energy.)
  • 1 tsp chia seeds (chai seeds are one of the most dense sources of omega 3 known to man, excellent source of protein, calcium - 5 times more than milk - fibre and antioxidants, they''re anti-inflammatory *aren''t hormonal breakouts fun... one step from a neon ''AVOID I''M BLEEDING'' sign* hormone balancing AND hardly any calories! One thing though, if you make up your smoothies in advance, don''t use chia seeds... they absorb moisture so you''ll come to pour it later and it won''t budge. If you forget, just add some water or more almond milk and blend it up)
  • 1tsp flaxseed (fibre, healthy fats, antioxidants... they also help fight cancerous cells and prevent hot flashes)
  • 1 tsp maca powder (The smell of this stuff is amazing AND it is primarily used for women''s hormone health as it helps to balance, is thought to increase fertility and gives you energy)
  • 1 tsp cacao powder (the guilt-free treat of raw chocolate. This is basically cocoa powder before it''s refined, so it''s far stronger and you won''t need much. It''s full of all sorts of goodness that i''m planning to go into in another post about healthy chocolate puddings, but serves us here as it''s anti-anxiety)
  • 1 tsp guarana powder (increases energy and burns fat... I use it in all my smoothies as I hate being tired but think coffee tastes like burnt hair)
  • 1 tbsp manuka honey (although this is expensive, it''s a tasty health investment as it''s taken the health food world by storm over the last few years)
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon (speeds up your metabolism and makes everything smell like cosy autumn evenings)

Blend it all and enjoy!

Helen
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